Stuck
by onyour-own
Summary: How is it possible to love someone like Grimmjow? More importantly, how is it possible to get Grimmjow to return the feelings when an arrancar isn't even capable of loving someone other than himself?- grimmjow X o.c- give it a chance please :
1. Chapter 1

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

Blue.

His spiky hair was light blue.

His eyes were a deep cerulean blue, a darker shocking blue that were deeper in color than his hair with green markings at the corners of them.

Appearance said nothing if you were to judge this being, this arrancar.

His clothing consisted of a white hakama and a black sash, a white jacket with the interior black and his collar turned up. His sleeves were always rolled up to his elbows and his jacket was always left open to reveal a muscular chest to reveal a carred chest and a hollow hole located on his stomach.

His number was located on the back near the right side of his hollow hole.

6.

The remains of his mask consisted of his right jawbone and began at his high cheekbone, a row of white feral teeth stopping at the corner of his mouth.

Anyone would think that this person was indifferent to anything that happened around him. That is, they would totally think that until they got to know him.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. Espada Number 6.

A sarcastic, rude, short tempered, violent, brutal and impulsive man, an arrancar who liked to fight.

Wrong.

Liked wasn't the word.

He loved it.

And anyone can only remember him revealing his grin whenever he got excited in a fight against a strong or interesting opponent.

And yet, despite it being a smile, grin or laugh, it was cold, and blood thirsty. The kind that sent shivers up someone's spine and made the hairs on the back of their neck's stand on end.

This man lived to fight.

As a result of works of the annoying and pestlike shinigami's, his fraccion were all killed.

So he brought me from the barren desert of Hueco Mundo and brought me to Los Noches.

I became number 11.

I became the only fraccion since he claimed that having more than one was too much trouble for him after what had happened last time.

And it's not like I had a choice either.

I wanted to be strong.

I wanted power, and while I had been killing off some lower class hollows, he had spotted me.

I don't know how, but he did, and after I was done and was going off to look for some more, he grabbed me by my tail and headed towards Los Noches where I was turned into a Numeros by someone called Aizen.

Of course, I hated Grimmjow, and I've tried countless of times to leave the damned place but each failed attempt got me a harsh beating followed by a blood red cero that rendered me unconscious for days.

I stopped after sometime though. After I came to realize that this was the fasted way to gain power, and it wasn't that bad either.

I got to live in a large safe place in exchanged for nothing but my strength.

And Grimmjow left me alone for the most part unless it was to attend a meeting with Aizen and the two other shinigamis.

Hahaha and you could even say that I became obedient to the blue haired prick.

But it was more than that too.

I came to respect him in three ways.

Only 3 ways.

1. He loved to fight.

2. He was strong, fearless and powerful.

3. He was Grimmjow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

I've stayed in Los Noches for a fair amount of time so far and have gotten used to my life here, and as boring and routine as it is, there are still a few days that make my skin tingle and my blood rush with hot adrenaline when I manage to picka fight with a lwoer class hollow or another fraccion, usually ending when someone interrupted the fight or if the latter died at my hands.

Those annoying cocky and arrogant uglies that can't control their damn tempers.

Their egos had been much too inflated by their stay here.

Hah. But it was no different than how Grimmjow was.

Now let me sort of give you an image of what I look like.

I'm an adjuchas type hollow, very much like Grimmjow except my hair color is black much like Nnoitra's and I tie it back in a ponytail with a white strip of cloth. My eyes are dark red, in fact, they're so dark that they look black unless the sun or light hits my eyes at a certain angle. I also wear the same uniform as Grimmjow.

Same hakama and white jacket, there's a black sash that is wrapped around my chest down to my upper abs, the jacket is open revealing nothing but my stomach, and the sash. My collar is turned up and my sleeves are rolled up to my elbows much like Grimmjow's was.

My hollow hole is located where most humans have there's little holes, the 'bellybutton' as one would call it I suppose.

As a remnant of my hollow life, my mask fragment is actually much like Grimmjow's own mask fragment, however mine is on my left cheek whereas Grimmjow's is on his right cheek.

Maybe that was one of the reasons why Grimmjow spotted me and brought me over to Los Noches.

In any case, my number is tattooed on the underside of my right wrist.

11.

Just 5 numbers below Grimmjow's.

There was nothing more frusterating than that, the constant reminder of the difference in our levels is always too much, and even if Grimmjow was only number 6, the level in skill is too significant.

Sometime if I got lucky enough Grimmjow would let me fight him, even if he could kill me as easily as snapping a twig in half. Rarely I got the feeling that he actually wanted to help me grow stronger but only rarely, most often he always had an aura of boredness about him.

In the distant future it would occur to me that I never thought about Aizen and his obvious power, I never even thought of Ulquiorra who was 4th in ranking.

I would realize that I looked up to Grimmjow, that he was someone I wanted to be like and as stupid and human as it sounded, it was nothing but the cold hard truth.

No one here bothered to get close to each other, they were all seperate entities, all of them acknowleding the fact that if they even stayed in the same room together for more than 7 mintues all hell would break lose and Aizen would be indeed be displeased.

I don't know why and I guess I will never know why Aizen and his two other shinigami followers are here, it was beyond what anybody could guess, however, at some point in each of the espada's lives Aizen had appeared and had given them hope, a place to belong, and purpose to survive.

It was reason.

The word that had a common place in all of our minds.

Aizen had given it to us and maybe that was the reason why everyone followed him, maybe that was the reason why they all stayed here despite knowing Aizen's true character, despite knowing his twisted and skewed intentions.

Los Noches isn't a place that all shinigamis think it is.

Hueco Mundo isn't a place that all shinigamis think it is.

There is so much more underneath the surface, there is so much more than black and white.

And yet most people turn a blind eye towards the other side of this world.

It's expected though, this is a place where Hollows live and die.

This is a place where hollow's are born, this is a place where hollows are dying to survive.

This is the most misunderstood places of all time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

I live in Los Noches as I have repeated about a million times, and Los Noches is located in Hueco Mundo.

It is infested with Hollow's and Menos Grandes.

On the surface, it is a desert filled with nothing but sand, however beneath the sand there is a forest. Dark. Cold. Wet. All the time.

Opposites.

On the surface, the nights are cold, dark and empty.

The moon here mirror's the earth's own moon.

A reflection.

It's an empty place, and by empty, I mean that this is a place that is devoid of human emotions.

There was no buzz of excitement in the air. There was no feel of vibrant energy. There was no comfort.

This was an empty and cold place to be.

And I thought that I would live endlessly here in Los Noches without something happening.

Live in this empty and devoid place without reason for existence except to fight.

I thought that life would always be simple.

I thought that by now, there was going to be nothing worth remembering.

I thought that this was all there was to life.

Fight and die.

But I was wrong, I cannot tell you how wrong my thoughts were.

Thoughts of my existence changed one night while I was looking up at the peculiar white crescent moon.

It was a reverse crescent moon.

The reflection of the earth's moon.

I thought of the human world while I was gazing at the reversed moon. It's strange how an object can evoke certain emotions and thoughts just by looking at it.

In anycase I thought of the human world.

The _**real **_world, and all of the sudden, questions began to pour into my mind.

Did people know we were here?

Did they ever think that there was another universe parallel to that one in existence?

What did they think of us?

Why was I here..?

But despite all of these questions, there was one question in particualr that bothered me for some reason.

Everyone knows that Hollows are originally spirits who were consumed by their own hatred.

You know that Hollows turn into Arrancar when they rip their mask of.

You know that Arrancar gain the ability to reason.

You also know that, despite our change in physical and mental stature, we are still fundamentally in existence as arrancar due to the fact that we are beings consumed in our own hatred and despair.

That is the foundation for a hollow, arrancar and espada's existence.

My last question was this.

Can we break free of this?

I asked Grimmjow once, as much as I hated to ask him something so pointless and so stupid, I just couldn't help it. This question was eating away at my thoughts.

The damned blueberry haired prick just showed me that annoying condescending grin of his, the one that he reserved for people he considered idiots in his world.

"Doesn't matter much does it?" he then leaned against the white wall of his room opposite from the barred rectangular window that showed a view of the outside. The reversed crescent moon shined brightly in the plain black sky. His blue eyes flashed to my own as I leaned against the wall where the window was,"What do you think will happen when we change our very beings? Or do you even think that this shit is possible? Some people might say that it's too late to change, but most dumbasses say that it's never too late." he shrugged,"Some people say that we are a new species derived from humans and that our 'souls' are unchangeable now." his psychotic grin was slowly spreading across his face,"Why? Are you going to try and change your existence then?"

I was silent entertaning the question of what we were in the first place.

Fundamentally, we should still be human..right?

"Lemme give you a piece of advice then." Grimmjow let his features harden and he slipped both of his hands into the pockets of his hakama, his blue eyes bore into my dark red ones,"Don't let anyone find out about what you're trying to do." his rough voice grated the air softly and a desert inspired wind slowly slithered into the room through the metal bars of the window.

"Whatever you say." I muttered and crossed my arms over my chest as I turned my head so that I could look at the moon.

"Che." Grimmjow looked at me in a condescending way but but lazily walked to his bed and crashed onto it with a loud _whumpf_.

Yawning hugely, the espada instantly fell asleep, ragged snores erupting from his nose as he breathed in and out during his deep slumber.

At least someone is content, I noted dryly as my gaze swept over his sleeping form sprawled out onto the mattress. If I didn't know any better I would have thought that he was a pig in arrancar form,"Stupid blue pig." I muttered and glanced at him to see if he really was sleeping, but by the twitching that Grimmjow's hand made, I smirked with satisfaction.

He'd heard it.

Some people might be wondering why Grimmjow isn't doing anything to kill me seeing as how he normally is.

He would have murdered anyone else who said that to him however, you could say that Grimmjow and I are just on mutual sides, or you could just call us acquaintances. Whatever you want to call it.

Sure, we fight like starving dogs snarling over a piece of meat, we use your colorful rich vocabulary with each other and we even draw swords to fight each other like we're facing an enemy.

We cut each other up and we aim ceros at each other, we try to cut off each other's limbs and slice each other's throat.

The only thing is, we don't try to kill each other.

Honestly speaking, if we really were trying to kill each other, we would have done it already.

To put it more solidly, Grimmjow would have killed me.

However, if one of us did manage to die at each other's hands, it wouldn't bother the survivor in the least.

It was like a relationship where we both used each other for the things that we needed.

It's a weird thing.

One really couldn't say that we were...allies or even 'friends' or whatever it is that you want to call us in the matter. Grimmjow and I..no...all of the espada and fraccion here in Los Noches didn't have those words in our personal vocabulary box. Particularly Grimmjow.

However, one could say that we tolerated each other to a great extent, more so than the other espada and fraccion here. He and I got along better than anyone Grimmjow usually traded words with.

Which was in a sense, everyone.

Grimmjow's snoring got louder and I suddenly found myself wondering how he didn't manage to breathe his entire nose into his brain. The silence in the room seemed to only amplify the noise and to my sensitive ears, it was a whole lot worse than listening to the blue haired prick go on about how much stronger he was than Ulquiorra.

"Moron." I irritably tugged one of my ears, there was no way that he could snore any louder.

But as if to contradict my weak prediction, the snoring increased in volume and raggedness so much so, that I could even feel my ears vibrating slightly from the sounds that erupted from his offending nostrils.

I was just about to stick one of my fingers up his nose and blow a small cero into his brain as a little wakeup call, but thought better of it in the last second, Grimmjow would have literally killed me if I had done something like that.

So mustering up all of the self control that I had, I quickly and quietly exited his room and went into my own room that was right across from his.

The thick white door quietly slid close behind me as I walked in.

My room was barren except for a black leather sofa placed in the middle of it. Above it, the ceiling had a hole blasted in it letting the moonlight flood into the room, the only source of light. I had blasted the ceiling with a cero one time after I got sick of seeing walls in front of me wherever I went.

Silence engulfed me like aheavy veil as I Walked over to the leather sofa and sank into it, there was no bed or chair in here, and everything was white except for the sofa.

I let out a little sigh as I leaned back into the plush sofa and looked up at the sky through the large hole that was there, the sky was black and the moon was white. I looked around my room, it was all black and white with shadows of grey hovering around the corners.

Black.

White.

Grey.

So ugly and colorless.

It made me want to scream and destroy everything.

I wanted something colorful in my life.

I wanted something bright in my life.

And as soon as I wished for them in my mind, I regretted it fiercely because the desire and want in my chest grew and burst into a flickering fire.

I wanted something but I didn't know what I wanted.

I was lost.

At least Grimmjow had a goal, at leat Aizen had a goal.

But I had nothing to hang on to.

My hands instantly went to my hollow hole and rubbed the edges of the black inky hole.

It was ok to feel desire right? Even Grimmjow felt desire, the desire to become strong, the desire to fight all the time.

I am a hollow.

My other hand went up to touch my hard mask. It was cool underneath my fingers and smooth, almost like a bone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

Somehow or other, I had managed to fall asleep only to be reawakened in what seemed like minutes later when I felt myself being grabbed nastily by the hair and roughly thrown over someone's shoulder.

What a damn rude way to wake someone up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing ugly!" I didn't need to open my eyes to see who it was. The only person who would think to man handle me was Grimmjow.

I was dumped ungraciously to the hard white floor but it didn't hurt. I was used to much worse injuries than a little fall like this.

Sleep was still making my head hazy and my eyes wouldn't open properly, it took a few seconds to open them and let them refocus on my surroundings.

The first thing I saw was Grimmjow's ugly face sneering at me wickedly,"It was time to wake up." he shrugged savagely and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hakama,"There's a meeting today. Let's go." he walked down the square white hall silently.

I sighed and while I stood up, I yawned hugely as I retied my hair and then walked after Grimmjow. As I let my hands drop down to my sides, my left hand brushed against the hard surface of my mask.

Hollow.

It was stupid. I was being told what I was by an object.

But I realized that what was even more stupid was that, that was what I needed the most right now.

There was silence, the only sound that could be heard was our fet lightly tapping against the hard floor as we made our way to the dark meeting room.

The closer we got the more I could notice the change in Grimmjow's mood. Anyone could tell that he hated authority figures.

The only reason Grimmjow listened to Aizen was because of the shinigami's surprising power.

If it weren't for that, Grimmjow would have killed Aizen.

Too bad that Aizen was stronger than Grimmjow.

The meeting lasted an hour and it was about some kid named Ichigo.

If it were me, I would laugh in his face and kill him. He was nothing to me.

He nearly got Grimmjow killed by Aizen and that other stupid shinigami named Tousen, who has his own twisted sense of so called 'justice'. What a fucktard.

After the meeting everyone went to their own respective rooms to sleep or went off somewhere else to train and fight.

Grimmjow and I were one of the ones that went back into our own rooms to sleep.

Or at least, I tried to sleep. I really did. But because of the sun streaming in through the hole in my ceiling, and because of the fact that I was so busy trying to figure out what it was that I wanted , sleep evaded me entirely.

So instead of even wasting my time trying to sleep, I lay back on my sofa and began to try and organize my thoughts and for some reason, my mind went straight to the topic of our meeting an hour ago.

As much as I hated to admit it, this Ichigo kid sounded dangerous.

As much as I loathed to admit it, the fact that the brat grew everytime he battled someone wasn't something to joke about.

Ulquiorra was an idiot.

The fucking biggest idiot there ever was. That arrogant, conceited, over confident bastard..I growled unconsciously. Grimmjow's hate for the 4th espada must have rubbed off on me...

How could Ulquiorra let htat brat live?

Just because Ichigo was 'trash' in his eyes, just because he THOUGHT that the kid would destroy himself with his own power..

Just because Ulqiourra was 4th didn't mean that he was incredibly smart.

Did he ever stop to think that there MIGHT be a chance that Ichigo would grow stronger?

Did he ever stop to think that Ichigo might actually be able to **control **his power and come to Hueco Mundo to rescue the annoying orange haired girl we have as a hostage and destroy this place as well?

Did that stupid green streaked face freak ever **think?**

This is why I hated him, I shifted into a more comfortable position ont he sofa, he was too confident in his own abilities, too confident in his own intelligence.

He trusted no one else and that was understanadble, no one was worth trusting here in Los Noches but sometimes I found myself wondering if he even trusted himself.

But then after thinking that, I would laugh, that nihilistic bastard who called himself Ulqiourra wouldn't.

He doesn't believe in emotions.

He doesn't have any.

I could hear Grimmjow's snoring all the way across the hall from his room.

Maybe that brat Ichigo or whatever his name is could teach Ulquiorra to lose his temper before the shinigami brat died by Grimmjow's hands.

Maybe...

Sunlight streamed in from the hole in my ceiling and yearning for some difference of color other than black, white and grey,I looked up through the hole so that my eyes could take in the deep, light blue sky. The sun was golden yellow and shined brightly agains the canvas of the sky.

Blue. I let my eyes aimlessly wander the clear sky.

It was such a beautiful color.

There was contentment in my chest and I felt my mind clear up a little from the messy and unorganized thoughts that had been rapidly swirling around in my head.

A few minutes passed before I decided that I was bored.

I decided to go amd bother Grimmjow who now seemed to be awak from the sound of it. Instead of snoring there was pure untainted silence.

As I walked out of my room and went directly into his, I faltered for a moment before regaining my composure. Something...something was bothering me...something...

"Whaddaya want." Grimmjow was sitting on the floor, one knee propped up and an arm was resting on top of it. He was leaning against the wall, the window was above his head and the grey shadows of the metal bars stretched out over his form in stripes.

I leaned back against the wall opposite of him and crossed my arms over my chest as I tried to think of the thought nagging at me in the back of my head. Something...My eyes narrowed as I racked my head trying to think of something.

And then all of of a sudden the thought slammed into my head,"Your hair is blue." the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop the stupid comment from being heard and I had a momentary flashback of when I was in my room just moments ago thinking how beautiful the sky was. The sky. Grimmjow's hair was the color of the sky.

"So what." Grimmjow growled,"Your hair is **black**." he emphasized in his deep rough voice, his blue eyes narrowed irritably.

Like the sky, I thought as I kept myself silent so that I wouldn't say anything else. I would only make myself look stupid and Grimmjow would never leave me alone after that,"Hey Grimmjow." I let my head rest against the wall behind me.

"What now?" Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at me as he yawned hugely. It was clear to me that he had been thinking of fighting Ichigo. He kept fingering the scar on his chest...

"What do you feel right now?" I let my head tilt a little bit to the side, it wasn't so weird for an arrancar to feel emotions right?

Grimmjow shot me a weird look,"I don't feel a damn thing." he replied grouchily and ran a hand through his blue hair mussing it up a little bit.

"So you don't feel any kind of emotion then?" I pressed, I wanted to know. I wanted to know if I was the abnormal one here. I wanted to know if there was something wrong with me. But above that all, I wanted reassurance that I wasn't the only one.

Grimmjow just snorted and closed his eyes as he let the sun soak into his skin."Just because we're arrancar doesn't mean that we can't feel anything." he replied crudely,"It's just that we have incapabilites of feeling certain emotions that humans can feel. That's the difference between us and those." he siad referring to 'those' as humans in the real world.

"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You stupid woman, leave me alone!" Grimmjow snapped, his eyes were still closed,"All of the arrancar are born knowing why they can't feel the fucking emotions that humans can feel, like love or whatever else there are." he seemed to really enjoy sitting in the sun to warm himself up.

It's because we're made by our negative emotions from when we were still spirits.

We are what we are because of despair and hatred, and because of that reason, we cannot feel pure untainted joy, nor can we feel pure untainted love.

There is no love.

We simply don't have the capabilities in ourselves _to _love someone else other than ourselves, and even loving ourselves is considered a different love than what humans are capable of feeling.

We cannot love because our hearts have melted into the darkness of our souls.

It does not exist.

"Now that you seem to get the point," Grimmjow had an eye open and it was looking at me indifferently,"Why the hell did you come in here?" he asked gruffly, his face was beginning to show hints of a slight snarl.

"To bother you." I replied lightly as I pushed away the serious and stressful thoughts away from my head so that I could brood about them at a later time.

"Che." Grimmjow closed his eye and breathed in deeply,"Either way, it's good timing. I have a task for you."

I looked at him curiously. This was the first legit task that he's ever give me in all the time that I've been here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

"That woman that we have as hostage." Grimmjow said boredly,"The fact that she's here is going to trigger something really big in the Ichigo brat..."

There was silence,"And with his growth rate..." my voice trailed off as I thought about it, the fact that this shinigami brat could use a mask was very big news indeed. What if he gets an arrancar release form?

"He's going to kill us all." the blue haired espada finished for me, his voice was unnaturally calm and it scared me a little. He was always hot headed and ready to mouth off anyone who annoyed him even in the slightest.

I was starting to get pissed now. The anger and frusteration that was suddenly beginning to grow inside of me was getting harder and harder to supress.

First, there was the fact that, as much as I hate to admit it, Grimmjow was interesting, I don't know why and I don't know how I came to that conclusion, but that is what I came up with.

Second, Grimmjow was so stupid and reckless, that he was **bound** to challenge the Ichigo kid again even while knowing that no matter how strong the Grimmjow was, Ichigo would always grow more and eventually win against the blue haired espada.

Third, what would happen to me if Grimmjow died?

Despite the antipathy we felt for each other, Grimmjow was an important key of survival for me as well as the answer to my strange questions.

He might help me find out _why _I was beginning to question myself and all of the other things here in Heuco Mundo.

"So what's my task then?" I asked as I refocused on the present, this was no time to be lost in my own thoughts, and I had to, in my own way, try to prevent Grimmjow from fighting Ichigo again. I had to think up a way to stop them from clashing so that Grimmjow wouldn't be suspicious of me.

"I need you to find out where that girl is being kept." Grimmjow crossed his arms over his chest and breathed in deeply. The desert scent soothed the vibrant blood lust inside of him.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow at the blue haired espada. Find out where that girl is? Why? I barely supressed a harsh bark of laughter.

"Just do it!" he snapped,"And tell me when you find out where she's being ketp, I'm trying to think of a way to fight him when he comes to rescue his precious woman." he grinned ferally, the glint in his eyes made me shiver slightly,"That woman unexpectedly has her own uses here." he ran a hand through his blue hair.

"When?" I asked unable to control the impatience in my voice, I had only seen this girl once when she had healed my missing leg. Grimmjow had blown it off when I had been trying to escape. Her name was Orohime apparently, I rolled my eyes, princess...what a fitting name for a girl as annoying as herself, I said to myself as I waited for Grimmjow's answer.

Absently, my eyes began to wander on their own. Slowly across Grimmjow's face, flitting to his hollow hole and then landing lightly on his face where I realized that he had been carefully observing me silently.

"What are you looking at?" he growled defensively, the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, he had never seen Kel like this before and it creeped him out. She was turning out weirder than he ever thought possible.

"Nothing." I smoothly covered up and shifted my weight to the other other leg,"Now calm down." I rolled my eyes,"You don't want to blow a gasket before you even lay eyes on the shinigami brat."

Grimmjow just sneered at me and then his face grew stony. It looked like he had just realized something, his ice blue eyes snapped to my black red ones holding my gaze,"You." his eyes narrowed significantly,"You're turning out really weird." he said in a low and quiet voice,"Are you still thinking about all of that pointless crap?" he demanded to know.

I hmphed,"So what if I am?" I replied defiantly,"There's nothing wrong with it." I was just thinking about it, I wasn't doing anything about it. I wasn't trying to make myself love someone, I wasn't trying to make myself feel the same emotions that humans felt.

Grimmjow was silent for a moment but he never relaxed,"Actions start with the merest thought." was all he said before melting back into his usual gruff, short tempered, violent person that he was.

I blinked to make sure that I hadn't been imagining it. I've only seen Grimmjow serious once, and that was when his number had been taken from him. The few days after his number had been given to Luppi, Grimmjow had been scary. He was calm, he was calculating and what was even more surprising was that even Ulquiorra seemed to want to avoid Grimmjow during that time. This was now the second time I had seen Grimmjow like that, albeit, it was for a mere second, but it still happened.

Actions start with the merest thought.

The words echoed in my head over and over again, and suddenly I grew scared of the concept of human emotions, scared of my thoughts...scared of myself...

"Find out where she is right now." Grimmjow yawned and stretched his arms and legs out in front of him looking content and comfortable.

I looked at him for a moment, what the hell was he planning? Even though I had spent alot of time with Grimmjow, I still didn't know much about him. He wasn't one to reveal things about himself so easily, he liked to live in the present, to focus on the tasks at hand instead of losing himself in the past or the future.

That was just who he was.

"Fine." was all I said before I disappeared from the room, and I suddenly I wished I hadn't disappeared from the room, I wish that I had been with Grimmjow, I wish that I had been able to keep an eye on him, but instead I was out in another hallway at the other end of the white fortress when the alarm rang signaling to everyone that there were intruders here in Heuco Mundo.

Ichigo had come, and I was just beginning to look for the girl.

I wondered what Grimmjow was going to do which was odd because normally I didn't care, normally I didn't give a fuck up about the bluehaired prick.

This was definately weird...


	6. Chapter 6

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

I found her.

I found her but I didn't show myself to the stupid brat, I just simply noted the location and left to tell Grimmjow. That was my task.

But it took me a good long fucking two hours because the damn place so big and I had to open more than 178 doors. Why does this place have so much room anyways? There's only like 30 of us here in Los Noches, we didn't even use the whole place.

Anyways, when I went back to Grimmjow's room to tell him where Orihime was being kept, he wasn't there.

The Espada were in a meeting with Aizen, it was optional for the fraccion to attend, but all of them tagged along anyways because they were interested in what was happening.

Of course I hadn't gone, I had been looking for Orihime so that I could tell Grimmjow, all that was left for me to do was wait until the meeting was over.

Sighing, I walked over to his rumpled bed and flopped onto it after I removed my zanpakuto from my waist and tossed it aside where it skittered across the slick marble floor with a scraping clatter.

There was silence in the room and it wrapped around me like a thin soothing veil.

I was happy to let the quietness sink in and just carry away the turmoil that I held inside of me. All of the questions about my existence, all of the worry about my newly formed theories and maybe even feelings.

All gone.

For the moment.

With every breath that I took, I could smell Grimmjow's scent clinging to the sheets and blanket that I lie on top of, I could smell soap, the night and something deeper, musky and yet a little bit sweet at the same time. It was a rough sort of scent and it was cold somehow.

The bed was soft and plush and the silence started to lull me into a light doze as a sweet desert wind laced with hope wafted into the room and sensuously brushed up against my skin. Grimmjow's scent soothed me and before I knew it I was out like a light.

"What the fuck are you doing in my bed?" Grimmjow yelled as he loomed over me.

I blinked irritably as Grimmjow's annoying voice grated against my ears, I was having such a nice nap too, I frowned and rubbed my eyes but I didn't bother getting up,"I was tired." I mumbled as I started to move because of the looks I was receiving from Grimmjow.

"That's what your fucking room is for." Grimmjow growled and took a step back from the bed to avoid colliding into me.

I yawned,"I was waiting for you." I shrugged and caught my zanpakuto as Grimmjow carelessly tossed it to me before sitting on his bed.

The blue haired espada grimaced when he took a breath,"Now it smells like you." he snapped and tried to air beat my scent from his bed.

I sat in the shadowy corner of his room and leaned back against the wall in content,"Now you'll think of me even at night." I grinned wickedly as I belted my zanpukuto to my waist. I was too lazy to stand up and do it.

The day had barely gone by, it was almost the afternoon and the young shining sun began to glow brighter and hotter.

Time seemed to move much slower here in Hueco Mundo...

"So where the hell is she?" Grimmjow asked as he crossed his arms over his exposed chest, I could sense the anticipation emanating from him. Waves and ripples of bloodlust and excitement.

"She's in the big room." I sighed and let me eyes take a little glance outside of the window. Even though something big was happening right now, the day didn't change.

Grimmjow nodded once and then chuckled, the low sound grating and rough, his ice blue eyes were trained on my face,"Looks like you can change your very being." he noted dryly, his face held the biggest and nastiest smirk that I've never seen him use on me in my life here.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes and turned to look at him, his gaze met mine squarely. Change who we are? I hadn't even changed, I had done nothing to warrant the change, and I had done nothing that indicated that I had changed.

Grimmjow gave me a condesending smile, his lips curled over his teeth and looked like he was snarling at me,"Then why didn't you kill the girl?" he asked, his blue eyes flashed.

I froze.

Grimmjow had known how much I didn't want him to fight Ichigo, and he had known that I was going to plan at least _something _to stop him from fighting the orange haired shinigami.

Why **didn't** I kill her?

"You want her alive." I shrugged as cooly as possible, now that I thought about it, that wouldn't matter, I really never listened to Grimmjow anyways.

"You never even really listen to me anyways." Grimmjow pointed out, his blue eyes were frozen over like pools of ice crystals.

"Why the hell does this matter to you all of the sudden anyways?" I demanded to know,"You should be happy that I didn't even scratch her." I frowned at him hoping that this excuse would be enough for him. What would I do if he kept asking me? How could I answer his question when I didn't even have the answer to it?

Grimmjow just shrugged, but his eyes were cold and expressionless,"I told you that anything can happen if you have even the merest thought of it. It's like a seed." his condescending smile was pasted onto his face and I could see the points of his teeth gleaming in the sunlight.

"Whatever." I muttered,"I told you where she is, that's all I needed to do." I tilted my head back and stretched the kinks out before looking at the espada,"When are you going?" I asked curiously.

"Right now." Grimmjow grinned, the bloodlust was clearly showing in his eyes, glazed and feverish,"I'm going to get the woman first though, I heard that Ichigo fought with one of the former espadas."

I barked out a laugh,"That's to be expected, he's been looking down on us too much." but that meant that Ichigo had grown yet again...I could feel my body grow cold for some reason, almost as if I were scared. It was the exact same sensation that I had when I thought that Grimmjow was going to kill me a while back.

"Little brat." Grimmjow growled as he looked out of the window,"If he dies before I find him I'll be damn pissed. We still need to settle the fight when he gave me this scar." he touched it briefly before letting his hand drop back down to his side.

I watched him for a moment,"Do you really have to?" I asked suddenly, the same feeling of coldness seeped into my body, stronger and more potent this time.

The 6th espada stood up from his bed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hakama, his lips curled into a savage smile,"What's this?" he looked at me with slight contempt,"You worried about me or something?" his rough laugh grated the air.

I scoffed,"As if." I rolled my eyes,"I just think that it's a waste of time since you're just going to get your ass kicked." something told me to hide my fear from Grimmjow and so I did...I just don't know why I listened to the little voice in my head. Since when had I gotten the little voice in my head anyways? Since when had I attained a consciousness?

Grimmjow turned back around to leave and had reached the door when I called out to him again,"Grimmjow." my voice didn't waver, it actually sounded really bitchy.

"What the hell do you want now?" Grimmjow growled as he turned around,"Can't you see that I'm a little busy here?" Sunlight hit his face as the large golden yellow sun climbed higher and higher into the cloudless blue sky. Horizontal stripes of shadow made long dark shadows stretch further and further until they kissed Grimmjow's feet.

I could feel my breath stick in my throat, but I managed to say the one thing tha tI wanted to say the most,"Remember that I'm going to kill you one day, not some hollow, not some espada and not some shinigami. It's going to be me." I looked him squarely in the eyes as I made my point,"I'm going to kill you."

There was silence as Grimmjow digested the words being said to him and then he smirked,"You need to wait a fucking millenium to start even thinking about killing someone like me. So shut up before I rip your tongue out." he turned around so that now I only saw his back,"Besides, worrying about me like that makes your face look more disgusting than it already does." his voice faded as he walked out of the room.

I listened to his footsteps die away as he walked further and further away from me.

His words were meant to comfort me..in his own twisted way. I looked down at my hands and then at the empty bed that Grimmjow had occupied only moments ago.

I was left alone in this room now, and suddenly I could feel the coldness in my body freeze over so much so that I began to perspire in cold droplets. I could feel a heavy cold weight pressing down on my chest as I thought about Grimmjow. Shakily I brought up a hand and rubbed the spot where it hurt.

It didn't hurt physically, I pressed the spot gingerly, I realized that the pain was all in my head, it was all mental.

I looked down and realized that I was massaging the spot where a human's heart was supposed to be located.

I had only one hope left, I could feel warmth rush to my eyes, it was strange, I had never felt it before and at first it hurt. For a moment, I thought I was going to lose my vision but as suddenly as the warmth came to my eyes, it vanished when I thought about what I should do.

My only hope was to find Ulqiuorra.

My first job was to stall him while Grimmjow went to retrieve the girl.

My second job was to get Ulqiourra to stop Grimmjow.

It didn't make sense to me either and I guess I just wanted to please everyone.

Grimmjow would get to heal Ichigo, Ichigo would see Orihime, I would tell Ulqiourra valuable information about the girl that he was charged to look after, and I would get the nihilistic bastard to stop Grimmjow from fighting Ichigo when he went to find Orihime.

I was killing 5 birds with 1 stone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

It wasn't hard to find Ulqiourra.

To my surprise he was already fighting the orange haired brat.

I could feel it, and the shinigami was losing very badly.

The fight ended by the time I arrived at the spot where they were supposed to be and so instead of seeing two figures clash, I could only see debris, a damaged building and the brats body laying on a bed of rock.

He was barely alive.

I could still taste the dust swirling in the air, the tang of blood and sweat, the remnants of reiatsu still lingering in the loosening atmosphere.

I walked into the room that Ulqiourra and the kid had managed to smash up real good, but even where I was standing I could see the kid.

I stepped out from the shadows and walked to where Ichigo was laying. Blood was everywhere and as I loomed over him, I could see the hole that Ulqiourra had stabbed into him with his hand.

He stabs people in the same place his hollow hole is at if he finds them interesting, I could remember Grimmjow tell me that once.

My eyes flickered from wound to his open but unseeing eyes. I found this kid pitiful and looked on at him with disdain, but even though I wanted to look away, I found that I coudn't.

His eyes were open and blank. There was no light in them and I knew that he couldn't see anything in front of him. He did not see me even as I stared down at him.

So this was Ichigo.

The corners of my mouth twitched as I stared at him in silence.

He was a fucking bloody mess. Dried sweat made his hair crust together in little orange spikes and the blood from his wounds dried brown on his skin and matted his hair.

No matter how much disdain and contempt I held for this little shinigami that I had only just seen today, I could still see that he was the type to blame himself if something happened, he was the type to fight for the sake ofthe people he held valuable even though he himself was suffering, and because of that, I could see the pain in his face even though he was half dead, it was silent and hidden away from others.

I knew and understood because we were alike in some regard.

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my hakama, the habit had rubbed off from Grimmjow.

This little kid would grow stronger because of the need to protect, it was something he had, and something that we didn't.

I looked down at his unconscious face for a moment.

We arrancar were really no match for him.

"You win." I told Ichigo as I walked away from him to find Ulqiourra, I told him that because he couldn't hear me, I told him that because I understood his pain, I told him that because he needed to hear it.

The need to protect...I looked up at the clear blue sky, the drive that all humans had, and the drive that all arrancar didn't have.

I sighed and walked away from Ichigo to find Ulqiourra who was probably on his way to report to his precious Aizen and as I made my way to the hallway leading to Aizen's room I found myself face to face with Ulqiourra.

We were still a long ways off from the room.

"Ulqiourra." we were standing about 9 feet away from each other.

The 4th espada's pale face was indifferent, his green eyes were eternally spelling out the word 'boring' and there was no sign of battle anywhere on his person. No blood, no sliced limbs, no dirt. Nothing.

The green lines running down his face always made it look like he was crying.

Sometimes, they made **me **want to cry.

"What does a follower of Grimmjow want from me?" his voice was bland and on hand was in his pocket while the other one dangled limply at his side. He didn't look worn out in the least.

I ignored the comment,"How was the shinigami?" my voice was cool and I slipped my own hands into the pockets of my hakama.

The air between froze over as the tension between us mounted to high proportions. This was the first time that we were talking without having to restrain Grimmjow from blowing up in his face about being stronger than him.

"I don't see a reason to answer your questiin." his voice was equaly cool and he stuck his other hand into his pocket. He tilted his head to the side a little bit, sizing me up briefly with his green eyes.

"I was just curious." I replied,"Although it's not something that you could understand." I gauged his reaction carefully and sized him up as well,"No on can tell because you're such a confident prick with a stick up his ass 24/7."

His dark green eyes narrowed and his glare turned up to full blast, however, I was unfazed. Compared to him, Grimmjow was actually the more scarier one.

"What do you want." his voice was ice cold.

"To talk to you." I replied my gaze on him never faltered and he continued to stare at me coldly.

"If this isn't talking, then I don't know what is." his green eyes burned but he stayed where he was. He wanted to ehar what I, Grimmjow's fraccion, had to say to him, who was Grimmjow's 'enemy'.

The way that I worked and the way that Grimmjow worked were too different.

Grimmjow preferred to yell, and to make the biggest ruckus possible, but that was too be expected, there was a reason why Aizen had named Grimmjow's aspect of death Destruction.

No could argue with that anyways.

I however, preferred to use my words instead of fighting or making a big deal out of anything. In this way, Ulqiourra somehow was able to tolerate me and throw me in the same category as Grimmjow.

"We're having a mind game right now." I looked at him blandly, he wasn't much to look at,"Not talking." the hallway was pretty bright since every 2 feet there were large barred windows spaced out evenly along the hall and it so happened that the sun was shining in this particular direction of the building.

Ulqiourra didn't say anything and instead narrowed his dark green eyes at me,"Don't say such stupid things." his voice was cold,"Just tell me what needs to be said."

I tilted my head to the side and regarded him in with the same kind of eyes that he looked at me,"Thank me Ulqiourra, you nihilistic prick." a smirk touched the corners of my mouth.

"There's no reason for me to, and even if there was, that's not something that I would ever do." Ulqiourra replied in his deadly calm manner.

I just shrugged,"It was worth a try then." I yawned not bothering to cover my mouth and showed him a nice view of my back molars.

Ulqiourra waited. The green streaks down his face bothered me, and against his white face, they reminded me of mold for some reason.

"Go check on the girl." my eyes gleamed as I looked on at the stupid black headed bastard.

There was silence as Ulqiourra regarded me quietly, his green eyes darkened.

I wasn't stupid and neither was Ulqiourra, I knew that we both understood each other the moment the words came out of my mouth.

He knew that there was reason why I, Grimmjow's fraccion was telling him instead of some other arrancar.

We both shared a look that was blank on the surface but in depth, there was understanding.

I blinked, and then Ulqiourra was gone.

I turned around and I could see his faint form traveling down the hallway so fast that my trained eyes could barely follow him.

Go stop Grimmjow, I thought silently as Ulqiourra vanished down the white hall.

But it was a faint hope, fluffy and filled with nothing but air because I knew that if Grimmjow played his cards right, he would get the chance to use his Negacion on Ulqiourra.

The blue haired espada had pocketed it before leaving the room, his face holding the feral and wicked grin that he had directed at me while reaching for the little cube.

He had known.

I began to walk down the white hall towards Grimmjow's room, I could already feel the battle between Ulqiourra and Grimmjow begin.

And then Ulqiourra's reiatsu disappeared as he faded into the other dimension.

Grimmjow knew me too well, he had been prepared for what I was going to do.

Moments later I could feel Grimmjow's reiatsu surge into mountainous proportions and then I could feel a different surge of reiatsu surging seconds later, something inbetween a hollow and shinigami's reiatsu.

My skin tingled and I shivered as I slowly walked on along the seemingly endless white hall.

Grimmjow needed to survive this.

He was the key to my survival, he would help me answer my questions, he was my stepping stone in attaining power, he was...

I stopped walking and looked out of one of the barred windows.

Those were the reasons that I had fed myself.

Those had been the reasons, my excuses for wanting Grimmjow to stay alive, to stay here.

I had been so busy and so convinced of those reasons, they were my principles, it was what I had lived by and they had been rock solid for me.

But now I wasn't so sure about them.

I could feel the opposing powers collide with each other so harshly that I gritted my teeth as both reiatsu levels surged almost infinitely.

I wasn't so sure about any of those excuses anymore.

They were lies.

/

Thank you so much for the people posting reviews :] it makes me happy that I know that people enjoy this story :] and I will continue to do my bestest- so thanks everyone :}


	8. Chapter 8

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

I took my time walking back to Grimmjow's room, even though I could feel the two opposing powers collide into each other with such force that it raised goosebumps on my skin, even though I wanted to watch the fight between Grimmjow and the kid Ichigo, even though I wanted to help Grimmjow.

Ulqiourra was locked away by that stupid Negacion that Grimmjow had never used up until now.

It would take even the 4th espada to get back from where he was at the moment.

Returning to Grimmjow's room gave me nothing to do but watch the battle helplessly from the sidelines. My nervousness was beginning to spill out in such a way that it had never been felt before and for a few seconds I felt wonderfully alive.

For a few seconds I could remember what it felt like to be human again.

To feel pure joy.

To feel unsoiled liberation.

To feel untainted love...

My eyes stared at Grimmjow's form in the far distance clashing again and again with a black clad figure welding a coal black sword with a little chain dangling from the hilt of it.

Untainted love.

I could feel the strange warmth touch my eyes once again, but this time it was comforting, it felt like I was letting out a part of myself to be free.

And it was then that I finally knew what it was that I was feeling.

Tears.

I was crying.

I barked out a harsh laugh and wiped the warm, salty droplets form my face, so arrancar can change...I gritted my teeth and looked down at my trembling hands.

I wanted Grimmjow alive.

I wanted Grimmjow with me.

I sat on Grimmjow's rumpled bed trying to ignore the pounding in my chest, I had changed just as Grimmjow had said.

Suddenly I could feel the shinigami's reiatsu surge ever upward and I looked out the window.

Ichigo was wearing a mask now.

It was like a battle between two espada, that thought scared me.

This kid grew fast, it wasn't a joke at all.

From his pathetic fight against Ulqiourra to his fight against Grimmjow.

My hands involuntarily clenched into fists and I looked down trying to ignore what was going on. My eyes closed as I tried to supress all of the new emotions that were beginning to flood inside of me, it was too much right now.

And then I felt the air around me change, I could feel the power rippling out in invisible waves from Grimmjow.

Grimmjow was releasing his form.

My eyes snapped open and I ran to the window, why was he releasing his form? Why was he changing into his more powerful form? My hands gripped the metal bars tightly, the material was hard and cool against the palm of my hands, why did he feel the need to fight in that form against the stupid shinigami?

The air loosened from its tense state but I could feel the difference in Grimmjow's power.

I didn't even compare.

And yet that stupid shinigami..

My breathing began to accelerate and I gripped the bars of the window harder to prevent them from shaking, they were so cold.

Yet that stupid shinigami...he could actually **win**. He actually had the **power** to win against Grimmjow...

I looked away as the two figures flew at each other in the air.

This couldn't be happening.

This nervousness, this anxiety and this fear.

They were too much, and it was the very first time that I was feeling something this potent, it was the first time that I was feeling something so powerful.

Burden upon burden piled up inside of my chest and wieghed me down like a pair of weights, I felt like I was made of ice. Rooted to the floor, unable to move, unable to move on.

Stuck with these new emotions.

Stuck with these new feelings that had emerged because of Grimmjow.

Stuck with love...not stuck in love.

But an arrancar who felt like this towards Grimmjow?

I let out a shuddering breath as I tried to calm myself down and sort my thoughts out one by one.

My eyes began to draw themselves towards the fight between Grimmjow and Ichigo. I didn't have the will to look away any longer and as I took a deep breath and looked out of the window I watched Grimmjow try to strike Ichigo down but be the one to fall instead.

I watched him getting up once again and stagger forward to fight.

Stagger forward to satisfy his dark bloodlust.

It was so like Grimmjow that I couldn't help but to smile a little, he was hopeless.

He wouldn't die, I could tell that much from this distance.

My eyes traveled to Ichigo, he was standing in front of the that stupid girl who had caused thie whole damned mess but I could tell that he was tired and worn out from fighting so much. However, even through the fatigue and desperation, I could see the satisfaction on his face because he had proved himself able to protect someone so important to him.

"Stupid shinigami." I muttered. He was such a kind and yet naive and stupid kid at the same time.

I saw Grimmjow reach a hand out towards Ichigo and the I saw Nnoitra.

I saw Nnoitra appear and aim his stupid big ass weapin at Grimmjow.

I saw the weapon being aimed at Grimmjow's torso to slice him in half.

"STOP!" I shrieked without even thinking about what I was saying. My hands gripped the steel bars so hard that I could feel them being molded into the shape of my clenched hands.

Why the hell was Nnoitra here?

Why the fuck had he done that to Grimmjow?

I watched as Grimmjow's body slowly fall to the desert ground and land with a dull _thud_. Sheer clouds of dust arose around his body as he landed on the sandy ground.

I couldn't tell if he was alive from this distance.

I couldn't tell if he was breathing at this distance.

I couldn't tell!

And then as Nnoitra raised his weapen to give Grimmjow the finishing blow, something vastly unexpected happened.

Something that I will never be able to forget.

Ichigo, that orange haired brat who was so worn out and so beat up from fighting Grimmjow had protected the 6th espada.

He protected Grimmjow.

And I could see it in his determined brown eyes that he would protect him even if all of the breath in his body left him.

My frozen body suddenly collapsed to the floor in sudden exhaustion and relief.

The scene in my head replayed over and over again.

Nnoitra appearing out of nowhere and striking Grimmjow down while I was stuck in this room unable to get out in time, and then just as Nnoitra raised his weapon once more, Ichigo protecting Grimmjow.

Ichigo protecting someone like the 6th espada.

And then for the first time I sobbed liked a fucking baby and I did nothing to stop myself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Destruction : **The skillful art of demolishing something.

**Destruction: **The termination of something by causing so much damage to it that it cannot be repaired, or no longer exists.

**Destruction: **A final state ; death.

/ / / / /

** Destruction: **An aspect of death.

/ / / / /

A few minutes passed after my little crying fest happened, luckily I managed to stop myself when I realized that crying wasn't something that could be stopped so easily.

I stood up from the floor and looked out of the windoe to see what was happening.

There was someone else here.

Tall, ragged face with an eyepatch and his hair up in weird spikes. He was a shinigami by the looks of his robes and the fact that he was the one fighting that fugly bastard Nnoitra.

I found myself rooting for the rough shinigami that reminded me so much of Grimmjow, I wished that this shinigami would stab some manners into the stupid little fucker.

Taking a deep breath I spotted Grimmjow lying there unconscious on the desert floor unnoticed and unconscious. I would use Sonido, a technique that let me travel faster than running or walking. I needed to bring Grimmjow here so that I could treat his wounds.

I took one last look before vabishing out of the room to retrieve him.

Ichigo was passed out, the girl brat was there, that tall eyepatched shinigami was here, Nnoitra was preoccupied with him and his fraccion was busy too.

I knew them.

No one would care if I took Grimmjow away, they just wanted to kill each other.

And so without any hesitation, I picked up Grimmjow and slung him over my shoulders before using Sonido to go back to Grimmjow's room.

As I stood in front of the bed, I carelessly dropped Grimmjow onto the bed and looked at the splay of limbs on the bed.

Pathetic.

So beat up.

All I could do was stare at his unconscious form and feel anger slowly flaring up into a full blown storm inside my chest, I could see blood still flowing in places where the wound was deep, his clothes were torn and his face was dirty, his hair was matted with sweat and dried blood.

He had long since reverted to his original form.

My eyes saw Grimmjow's hand twitch slightly,"Why didn't you just die?" I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't want to say that I loved him. I didn't want to say that I was worried about him. I didn't want to say that I was glad that he was alive.

I stared at him in silence trying to laser his face off with my own eyes, but too bad I couldn't do that.

Grimmjow's eyes slowly opened and he blinked a few times before glaring at me,"Shut up." he replied weakly, his voice was rough from pain and hoarse from yelling too much in his fight against Ichigo.

"No." I stared at his face defiantly and stuck my tongue out at him,"You're a fucking dumbass." I told him,"I'm surprised you actually survived."

The 6th espada rolled his eyes but didn't bother getting up or moving,"Don't just stand there!" he growled and then yelped while clutching the wound on his stomach and rolling in pain,"Do something about this!" he gestured to the wounds on his body.

"I don't want to." I told him and then proceeded to sit down on the floor and cross my arms over my chest, maybe this would teach him to not fight someone that he was sure to lose against.

Grimmjow hissed at me,"Do it or I'll kill you!" he roared and then he blanched as the strain on his stomach muscles agitated his wounds.

I laughed and then dragged out the little first aid kit that was stored underneath the bed and popped it open, it contained rolls of bandages, ointment, cotton swabs and rubbing alcohol.

"Don't move." I snapped when Grimmjow kept inching away from the cotton swab soaked with the rubbing alcohol and then proceeded to dab his wounds with it.

He hissed as the medicine stung his injuries and seemed to burn into his skin. Neither of us liked the smell. It was too strong.

"Satisfied with the last fight?" I asked absent mindedly as I cleaned his wounds. Luckily, they weren't as deep as I thought they were, particularly the ones that Nnoitra gave him.

"None of your damn business." he mumbled and then winced when I poked the next wound sharply with the cotton swab. His eyes wandered around the room and then they saw the dented metal bars of the window,"What the hell happened to my window?" he yelped, his blue eyes glared at me.

I froze, and then without thinking I slapped my hand onto the largest wound across his chest making Grimmjow practically choke in pain,"Just be glad you didn't die." I said to him hoping to change the subject.

"The hell did you do that for!" Grimmjow yelled clutching his wounds in pain, the subject of the window was forgotten.

"Because you're an idiot." I retorted and resumed cleaning the rest of his wounds,"Just look at all of the trouble that I'm going through just to save you!" I discarded the cotton swab and grabbed another one to continue cleaning, they got bloody pretty fast.

"Like hell I'm going to listen to you!" he choked out, his eyes watered in pain but his voice was still rough and harsh. Still the same loudness and still the same Grimmjow.

I pursed my lips but finished cleaning his wounds and now applied ointment to the now clean but still tender cuts and bruises that he had earned from his battle,"You're stupid." was all I said before tossing the tube of ointment into the box and grabbing the rolls of bandages next.

Grimmjow slowly and painfully sat up and shrugged his tattered jacket off as I began to wrap the strips of clean white cloth around his torso,"Yeah, you've told me that a bajillion times already." he mumbled.

I purposely tied the first bandage too tightly and began the second one.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Grimmjow winced at the tightness of the bandages against his wounds and turned his head to glare at me.

I finished bandaging his wounds and shut the case before pushing it back underneath the bed, they had started to bleed again but not as much as they had when he first received them,"Nothing." I replied and then stood up to lean against the wall near the window.

Grimmjow slowly donned his tattered jacket once more and then painfully lay back down on his bed to rest his body,"Don't think that I'll believe that shit." he told me boredly, his blue eyes were looking at the ceiling above him absently, he seemed content, he didn't seem to mind so much that he'd lost, and I realized that he had just wanted to fight regardless of the outcome. He had just wanted a chance to destroy what he could.

I was silent for a moment, contemplating on how I should tell him, on how I should start the conversation, on my decision.

Should I tell him or not?

"Remember a few days ago when I asked you about being able to change?" I asked quietly and let my head rest against the wall. This conversation felt so stupid.

"What about it." Grimmjow reached up and twisted a strand of his ice blue hair between his fingers absently.

"You told me stop right?" I continued on a bit hesitantly, how the fuck should I tell him?

"And?" the 6th espada raised an eyebrow at me boredly and let his hand drop back to his side.

I looked away from him in slight shame,"It's not something that you can stop so easily." my voice was quiet,"But you wouldn't know would you?" I sighed and fingered the mask on my left jaw, it felt cool and solid beneath my fingers.

"No, I wouldn't know, dumbass." he breathed in shallowly to prevent his wounds from hurting anymore than they already did,"I'm not like you." he told me in his gruff voice,"I don't think about the crap that you do, none of that fucking matters to me." his blue eyes hardened into icy topaz pools,"All I want to do is just fight." he looked at me.

"Figures." I muttered. This was Grimmjow we were talking about.

"But I'll say this." Grimmjow said after a slight pause, his rough voice was casual and calm,"If you completely surrender yourself to those emotions, then you'll change back into a regular soul. "

I let the words sink in.

"So you don't feel what I do..." it wasn't a question, it was a comment.

"No." his blue eyes narrowed into slits,"Listen to me you fucking dimwit." his voice was rough with pain,"I'm the very essence of Destruction, why the hell do you think Aizen titled me that? I break everything that I can, rules, lives, authority, I can even break those stupid emotions of yours too." his eyes glinted coldly,"But don't push your fucking luck." his slitted eyes stayed on my face and his grin was growing malicious,"I'm trying to be nice right now." Because I know that the one you 'love' is me, he thought to himself.

My eyes stayed on his beautiful face just as his stayed on mine,"You'll never change your jacked up attitude will you?" it was a rhetorical question but Grimmjow answered it anyways.

"The hell I won't." the wild expression on his face was fading fast and once again he looked up at the ceiling.

"If I do change, will my form change too?" I asked suddenly, my eyes wandered outside and I could see Nnoitra and that eyepatched shinigami still fighting, but it didn't concern me and I felt that I couldn't care less about anything now.

"I don't know." Grimmjow sighed and closed his eyes to try and shut the throbbing pain away, but it was never easy to do that.

I looked down at my hands and saw them flicker back and forth from my arrancar form and my orignal spirit form, and as I felt a sudden rush of warmth and joy pour into me as I thought of Grimmjow, I could feel my entire body begin to crumble in on itself, rearranging spirit particles and getting rid of my hollowness. I let out a bark of laughter,"I know." I looked at Grimmjow who was looking at me uninterestedly.

But I wonder what he was thinking.

I wonder what he felt, and then I felt a wave of despair crash over me, Grimmjow would never respond to my feelings.

He would never love me as I love him.

And all of a sudden I felt myself reverting back to my arrancar form and I understood why.

The feeling that stopped the transformation was the same exact feeling that had triggered my hollow transformation.

It was Despair.

And as long as I held that feeling firmly in place, I would not change because it was so easy to love and feel that deep sadness within me at the same time.

Grimmjow would never return my feelings that I now possesed.

I looked at him in silence, black red eyes looked into deep blue ones and as we both stared, we came to a sudden understanding.

I was safe because Grimmjow was Grimmjow and he knew that, he knew that I felt the pain everytime I was with him.

"I'll give you a choice." he said suddenly,"I can kill you right now, or you can live to never have your stupid feelings or whatever they are returned to you, if that's how people say it." he was offering me choice between an easy way out, or the torturous way to live.

"I'll live." I told him with a slight smile,"I want to stay by you." it was easier to tell him, now that he knew.

"Another thing." he glared at me,"Don't act like that or say disgusting things like that, I have nothing against killing you. Just because you changed doesn't mean that I have." he threatened me.

I laughed,"Sure, whatever ."

I would stay with Grimmjow, we would live together, but he wouldn't return my feelings.

He wasn't capable of doing that and he sure as hell didn't want to think deep.

He just wanted to live the way he had.

Fight.

To kill.

To destroy.

That was Grimmjow.

I sighed, I had fallen in love with a brute,"Stupid oversized kitty." I muttered.

Grimmjow's sat up and looked at me, his blue eys turning into slits,"Call me that one more time." he said quietly.

Shit, I thought and immedietly sobered up all the while looking at his face.

He was pissed.

"I said call me that one more time!" he roared, his blue eyes flashed. He seemed to have forgotten about his injuries.

"Shut up." I muttered,"You're still hurt."

"Like that matters." he snapped and slowly stood up from the bed.

I couldn't help but grin now, nothing had changed between us despite the fact that we both knew about me, about my feelings, everything was still going on a one way road.

No turning back.

I could live without Grimmjow's love, and that was the way it was going to be.

He would never love.

He would never feel what I felt.

That's just the way it was.

"You look like a fucking creeper." Grimmjow spat as he flomped back onto his bed, he had no strength to kill anything or anyone right now.

"I love you too." I smiled at him.

Grimmjow stiffened and hissed at me,"You tell me that one more time, and I really will kill you." he glared at me.

I shrugged and looked out of the window.

He really would kill me, he wouldn't hesitate to do so.

But that was Grimmjow.

Thank you for reading :]

And yesh, this is the end- the ending might have sucked for you guys, and I'm sorry, but this is just the way that I felt it should end-

reviews are welcome, I really would like to get the oppinions of everyone who read this story-

Again,

Thank you so much for reading :]


End file.
